I think that maybe, well..I think I might not be bi after all. I think I'm lesbian.
I mean i look at guys and they have cute faces, but-'but they would be cuter as girls'- always comes to mind.
I like guys, i mean i love them, but as friends. I date guys a lot, but i'm never really interested in them. I mean there personalities are cool, but when i'm dating a guy, its the same as it is with my bff, theres no real chemistry there.
There's only been one guy that i ever really loved. And that was my ex boyfriend Alex. He died..And since him, there hasnt been another guy that has been able to catch me physically, mentally, and emotionally.
With girls it isnt like that. Theres a lot of physical and mental and emotional attraction there. When I'm with a girl, everything just seems right. Well if its the right girl, not every girl obviously, but, ya know, like when I'm dating a girl and we're together(not sexually, but just hanging out) it all just feels perfect, like it was meant to be and nothing could get any better than that feeling. I like girls a lot better physically, and they have a lot more to offer me emotionally. Most guys cannot even begin to relate to me mentally, but most girls can, even as just friends.
When I'm with a guy i'm "dating" its like we're friends hanging out, nothing special about it. We talk, we chill, thats pretty much it.
With girls when we hang out(girls i'm into, not just friends)theres so much more. We can talk about anything and everything, and we can go out just to be able to hold hands while we walk, or we can sit at home and watch movies and just chill, or we can go shopping and spend all the time we want just walking in circles b/c we want to lol, or do totally random stuff that makes no sense at all and would totally confuse a guy, or go play in the rain(one of my favorite things to do) and it be totally innocent, or go to a movie and actually watch the movie, or anything really, and theres always the lil smiles and sideways glances and the way girls touch your hand when they want you to hold it(i do that lol) and the way the look before they kiss you, and the way they play with your hair and laugh when it gets messed up after they spent an hour on it, girls are just more....me. and its Its a lot different, but in a good way.
Guys usually want something, something i wont give them, so it never works out. That and I never really put effort into a relationship with a guy b/c i dont really want to be with them anyways.
So yeah. I'm not sure, i may be bi, but leaning towards girls, or i dont know, i may find a certain guy that can catch me later, but i dont know, right now im really starting to think I'm lesbian.
I dont have to know right now though, I have time to figure that out later. But it does suck being confused about it lol.
Hugs and Kisses,
J
